With so much division in the world, in our communities and even within our families on various issues, it’s easy to fall into an ‘us vs them’ mentality in order to ensure for ourselves a sense of safety and reassurance that you are ‘on the right side’.

The concept of ingroups and outgroups is found within the studies of sociology and social psychology, with an ingroup being a social group to which a person psychologically identifies as being a member and an outgroup being a social group to which an individual does not identify.

The problem with the ingroup/outgroup mentality is that it causes a loss of visibility of the humanity of each unique individual as we fall into seeing the ‘other’ as a collective enemy as opposed to a diverse group of individuals with varying reasons and justifications as to their stances and life choices.

Add social media and digital collectives to the mix and you have an enormous body of self-affirming mirrors and echo chambers, further deepening one’s convictions of being ‘in the right’ or being the ‘victim’ and seeing the ‘other’ as being absolutely wrong or even as far as perceiving them as an active combatant or an ‘evil’ enemy and opponent.

But what if this over simplification was the pathway to a closed and limited world and life perspective, void of the realisation that there are intricacies to the human experience (and our precious fellow human beings) that extend far beyond such a narrow scope?

This narrow scope is what many of us will desperately cling to in order to feel any semblance of social safety and security, as we blindly follow our pack (whether physical or digital) and align ourselves (often without being fully informed).

This false sense of security and attachment to our ingroup can give many an illusionary sense of (insecurity-based) courage to vocalise their perspectives and experiences (at times aggressively and insensitively), particularly when they are hearing the like en masse within their ingroup communities. Whether from the lens of ‘being in the right’ or under the guise of being someone who is ‘doing the right thing’, words are uttered, videos are made, posts are written and shared in order to receive affirmation and validation from the precious ingroup.

Many are even willing to say/write/do whatever it takes to get that same level of affirmation and validation (and the good old dopamine hit), endlessly feeding their confirmation biases through social media feedback loops. And so the cycle continues as a person is led deeper and deeper into a place of such narrow mindedness that empathy for and understanding of others becomes almost impossible.

Jordan Peterson mentions that it is a really dangerous place to be when society places the generic vulnerability of other human beings as more important than their individual particularity. He says that the result of this misplaced prioritisation is the devaluation of the sacredness of the individual (as the primary category of judgement and treatment) due to the emphasis and focus on the group identity of the said ‘other’.

The de-humanisation of others that results from the focus on group identity and the ‘us and them’ mentality is utterly detrimental to humanity and society at large. Think about all the conflict in the world and the unjustified wars, abuses, racism, oppression and more that has taken place over the ages. The ‘us and them’ mindset produces nothing but arrogance, ignorance and pride which inevitably leads to the justification of labels and wrongdoing to others.

Whether on the grand scale of political and ideological stances or on the smaller scale of interpersonal relationships where one person or family has hurt or offended another, the us versus them perspective fails to help bring people together and find the middle ground of forgiveness, mutual respect and understanding.

There is no need or benefit in labeling and name-calling another group or person in order to justify your experiences and perspectives. How about taking each sacred and unique individual as just that, sacred and unique, and seek to reach and understand their intricacies and thoughts irrespective on what you differ in. That is, of course, if they too are amicable and willing to participate in healthy engagement with you.

Whatever the historical journey might have been between you and a collective or even an individual ‘other’, hope lies in empathy, kindness and forgiveness should you wish to move forward to a better path in life. To quote Jordan Peterson again, he says that ‘an inability to forgive is usually coupled with a delusional self image.’

For really, who are we to latch onto and blow up our differences with others in order to feel superior to them, when in reality all of our souls are seeking, our hearts bleed the same, our eyes cry the same salty tears and our lives are challenged and ravaged all the like.

Robert Frost says that ‘Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.’

In order to achieve education and enlightenment you must ask yourself if you can listen to or read the views and perspectives of another, without being offended, without feeling threatened, without being angered, without losing your own sense of worth simply because they have differing views?

If you cannot do so, then it might be wise to go inward and question yourself. Question your stances and perspectives and ask what they are based on, what evidence and justifications you have for them, whether they are indeed sincere, correct and authentic or based on ego and group identity and even ask yourself if there is a possibility that you may be wrong.

Because you know what, just maybe, you might be.

Perhaps the dreaded ‘other’ may have some of the very answers, solutions and soothing you seek.

Hey, what if I suggest that there really is no ‘us and them’. There is just you and I, traversing through life, trying to figure it out and get it right. Trying to be faithful to Almighty God and live righteous lives in the footsteps of our beloved Prophet (SAW). Maybe that’s the picture we need to focus on instead.

Anyhow, let’s be kinder. Let’s forgive. Listen. Understand. Respect.

“Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes a part of something, it beautifies it. Whenever it is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished.” Prophet Muhammad (SAW).

Quran 16:125 “Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided.”

God knows. And that should be enough for all of us.

Calisha Bennett